Clearence for Participation in Middlebury College Student Organizations

“Due to the regulations set by the Board of Trustees in cooperation with the Student Government of Middlebury College, certain requirements have been set in place that prohibit the lack of invigorating activities and the absence of stimulating moments in the community experience of the Middlebury Student  who chooses to participate in one of the College’s approved and accredited Student Organizations, especially if that group to which the student has committed himself is about to celebrate its fourth anniversary. Therefore, contingent upon the presence and voiced support of the already existing members of the really hot student organization, each additional member of said group must engage in a sort of process that serves to inititate said member into the group. The specifics of this traditional, and at times primal, ritual are to be determined finally by the senior members of the organization, those being the members senior to the new members, who are about to enter into the incredible experience. As a signed member of this group, my signature affirms my commitment to the group, as a person who wants to sing AND have a good time, and it re-affirms that I, in fact am, a bad-ass mother fucker. If you’ve read this far, you’re doing a good job, because this is nto a permission slip to travel places, this is not a mommy-note, this is not a college-waiver form…and not anything really. Simply a meaningless, mindless distraction. We would like you to understand that by reading this, you by no means think that it means anything. Rather, it means nothing. More importantly, its lack of importance lies only in that it is instrumental in llowing us to covertly open our bags, grab garb of the opposite sex, properly adorn you with female clothing, and regale you with wonderful SIM humor while we take you out for a night of funness. Through the events that may happen upon to me in the near future, I will remember that I only live once, and I have a certain group of gentlemen at my disposal to make that experience more exciting than the average. I pledge my allegiance to my group through the enthusiasm with which I will enter the activities. I also understand that by signing below, I am demonstrating that my intelligence may be somewhat lower that what may be expected of a student of the Middlebury College community. I also understand, by singing below, that neither Middlebury College nor the Student Organization to which I belong and with which I will be participating in various activities are in any way responsible for any damage, psychological or physical, that may happen upon me which participating in such activities.”

Always read before you sign away your soul…


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